The Spark.
My disability gave me the ability to find my purpose in life.
Since a young boy I have always smiled and never complained or felt limited by my disability. However, at birth, I was diagnosed with Talipes Equinovarus (Clubfeet) and at the age of twelve diagnosed with Legg-Calve-Perthes (Perthes) and this disease led to chronic Osteoarthritis in adulthood.
Both ankles fused with no calve muscle development; I looked half-goat, half-man with skinny legs.
My first operation for my Clubfeet was at twelve hours old, freshly Caesarean-sectioned out of the womb onto the chopping block. Each leg is adorned with asymmetrical scars, metal pins and plasters. Both ankles fused with no calve muscle development; I looked half-goat, half-man with skinny legs. I found kindred to the mythical character Pan, a regular guy with goat-like feet who enjoyed music and the company of nymphs.
This correction and fusion of my ankles occurred in many hospitals locally and interstate. I even stayed in a hospital in Canberra for six months without friends or family.
Besides having a supportive family, friends and artistic collaborators throughout my life, a big shout goes to my informal guide and mentor Dr Stevenson, a fantastic British Orthopaedic surgeon. Each visit he would kindly say, ‘use your brain, be artistic. These legs aren’t for running or dancing.’ His guidance never created an obstacle to my disability, and my clear limitations made purpose, focus and freedom in my life. My stoicism forced me to pursue my musical purpose of creating a soundtrack for others to move and dance.
The Flame.
My life chapter of Legg-Calve-Perthes Disease and its chronic Osteoarthritis has ended this year with my recent total hip replacement. This surgery has been life-changing as the thirty-two-year chapter of living with pain has ceased. While on the waiting list, I chose to keep a smile similar to my childhood self and create as prolifically as humanly possible in my musical and artistic career, in truth, as a distraction from the constant pain of Osteoarthritis.
I used stoicism as a tool for coping with pain. The famous stoic Marcus Aurelius quote, “Our actions may be impeded… but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Post-recovery, I am now pain-free. The lack of consistent gnawing pain has left me more peaceful and open to serving the community with greater clarity. Holding space for people has become easier as my inner self is now calm. This newfound quiet will flow into my coaching style as I support and listen to people, being with them on their terms.
The lack of consistent gnawing pain has left me more peaceful and open to serving the community with greater clarity.
Coinciding with this sea change, I had a profound shift to minimalism. I began to feel the cravings to reclaim physical space and mental bandwidth; in this process, I saw myself selling many things and my identity attached to those items. This process, paired with the want for peace post-op, was of the utmost importance to me. This energy clearing has opened me to new personal and professional growth opportunities.
The Fire.
As I discovered in the recent Sync Leadership experience, I resonated with the mythical Phoenix. This bird of rebirth became my metaphor during our coaching sessions; how I naturally move through different renewal cycles with my body, mind and artistic practice. Over my quarter-of-a-century career in the arts, I have seen myself evolve in this way at least six times, burning up outdated beliefs, practices and identities in pursuing knowledge, stoicism and mastery of my craft further.
Sync landed in my life at the crux of one of these five-year cycles. I always feel like a work in progress, a wet canvas, an unfinished symphony. By this, I mean that I don’t see my life as complete at any point, outcome independent in many ways. Open to new experiences and learning from the gifts within each cycle. The serendipity of the Sync Leadership program and its learnings and the time to reflect has pivoted me towards my leadership potential, critically invigorating my development to serve better the disability and broader community with greater potency and compassion.
The Phoenix is now renewed, shedding its old beliefs and limitations, ready to share and coach with empathy and dignity. Thank you, Sync, for this life-changing experience.