In the ultimate revolution of me, I sat in the SYNC leadership program to learn about the awakening of myself. Constantly in conflict of the battle within my mind of career choices, it was time to explore and create something new.
Rebuilding out of the rubble of my relapse, which occurred in 2008, I immersed myself in poetry and art. In the aftermath of the relapse, hallucinations would escape my lips involuntarily in unbroken dialogue, and artistic creativity was the only way to silence the symptoms of psychosis.
For years my ink-filled footprints, marching to the beat of social advocacy. Then throughout the years, the rebellion of fighting as injustice brought me to find I was spending too much time focused on being sick and on my mental illness. So, I transitioned from illness to wellness and started focusing on myself and who I was as an individual. The beat of my drum turned me to Polynesian heritage, focusing on my Tongan background, through superimposing cultural symbols over original photography.
But constantly conflicted in the warzone of my mind, were thoughts of, Is this who I am? Echoing off the inside of my head, Is this who I originally set out to be? Standing within the SYNC Australia leadership program was like a crucible burning away everything leaving only what was necessary.
Standing within the SYNC Australia leadership program was like a crucible burning away everything leaving only what was necessary.
Richard Bell
The leadership drivers that we learned helped me figure out where I was coming from. In a revolutionary moment, I realised that two of the things that were driving me were stability and commerce. In the moment of truth and honesty, art was giving me none of that.
Then as the program continued, I discovered in a moment of personal power, that I was really enjoying the coaching element to the sessions. In the smoke from the rebellion through social injustice. I witnessed, through my questioning, people reacting to light bulb moments igniting the darkness of their problems. I felt good to see the changes in people on a face-to-face level.
I discovered in a moment of personal power, that I was really enjoying the coaching element… I witnessed through my questioning, people reacting to light bulb moments igniting the darkness of their problems.
Richard Bell
In amongst the leadership program, I came to the ultimate realisation that art was not really my authentic self, may have just been a tool in this revolution against the illness to become stable in my mental health.
Poetry that fought injustices, was to process the hurt and pain of my relapse. Recognising that people who talk to themselves from the point they wake until they slept, go into homes for the mentally ill and never come out again.
Eyes awaken to art as a recovery tool, and what was always in the back of my mind was science, it was the first certificate I completed from coming out of high school was science.
Now in the revolution of an authentic self, I have found myself a job to provide stability and commerce, and I am endeavouring to study science using art and poetry achievements as a recovery tool. In the midst of fighting injustices, I now have recovered the conflict within and revolutionised myself to find what is my true self.
Richard J Bell calls himself a Contemporary Creative Soul and multiform artist, who delves into genres such as creative memoirs, contemporary poetry, lived experience opinion pieces, sculpture, photography and kupesi drawings. Starting off writing about his lived experience of schizophrenia with the hopes other who have similar experiences will read and relate to it on an emotional level, he is currently transitioning from illness to wellness and rather than fighting the hurt, pain and injustice, he is working on exploring his own culture and heritage through different Polynesian kupesi designs superimposed over original photos of Tonga. Now juggling the aspects of a real job, study and artistic achievements to build a healthier self-image within, he continues live a relatively normal lifestyle in conjunction with his disability.
Richard J Bell – Contemporary Creative Soul https://www.facebook.com/richardjbell84
Polynesian Contemporary Tribe https://www.facebook.com/polynesiantribe
Unheard Poets Society https://www.facebook.com/unheardpoetssociety
Unheard Tribes https://www.facebook.com/unheardtribes
Copyright © Richard J Bell 21st December 2021